You're Not In This Alone! Frerard
by TheLastLineOfDefense
Summary: My Chemical Romance on the Projekt Revolution Tour 2007, every Frerardict's favourite era, this is going to be a story of life on the road with the band, it is of course, a Frerard If you don't like then don't read! but it'll be a day by day account of the tour, basically each chapter will centre around a different show, hope you enjoy
1. July 25 07 Something

Disclaimer:I do not (To my heart felt dissapointment) own My Chemical Romance or any of the band members, trade marks, slogans, art e.t.c, this is for entertainment purposes only and because, lets face it, we refuse to even consider that Frerard might be dead, it's too painful! To make this a bit simpler I've removed their wives from the equasion, I'm sorry if this offends anybody but as it's a _romance _having them engaged and soon to be married would put a bit of a downer on things wouldn't it? This will be split into days on the tour and travelling inbetween. and the line up for most shows will be:  
This Is How I Dissapear  
Sharpest Lives  
I'm Not Okay  
Famous Last Words  
Give Em Hell, Kid  
House Of Wolves  
Heaven Help Us  
Welcome To The Black Parade  
Mama  
You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison  
Teenagers  
Helena  
Cancer  
(I've tried to keep the characters true to fact as possible except for their actions, which will on the whole, be fiction, though some events included genuinely happened, but even if they did chances are I've tweaked them a bit)  
I really hope you enjoy this, but I'm warning you, my updates are few and far between though I try my hardest! Any comments, especially critical are welcomed and much appreciated!  
Always remember,  
"You're not in this alone!"

Frank's P.O.V

I opened my eyes reluctantly, unwilling to abandon the numbness of sleep in order to silence the incessant blaring that was ringing in my ears, worming it's way into my unconscious and making it impossible to get the. _Just. Five. More._ _Minutes!_ That I craved. I flipped open my phone with a growl and silenced the alarm, the blinking digits on the screen read 8:30 pm. We're due on stage in less than an hour and a half, our first performance of the Projekt Revolution tour, though we've been driving for a week already. Grunting defeatedly and running a still glove clad hand through my tangled hair I kicked off the thin quilt and swung my bare legs over the side of the mattress. Then stood, clipping my head on the edge of the bunk and letting out a stream of expletives, bloody bunks. I yanked on my jeans, one hand still rubbing irritably at my aching head and staggered through to the kitchen where the smell of coffee was already overpowering, Gee was up then.

"Jesus Frank, not another casualty, what was it this time, try and wake Bob without wearing a crash helmet?" he snorted gesturing to the fast forming bump on my forehead, as I came and sat on the table beside him. I rolled my eyes "No way, not after last time! I hit my head on the roof of the bunks ... Again." I chuckled wincing as I jolted my aching head. "You really are a walking disaster aren't you?" he quipped, ruffling my hair mockingly, a familiar lopsided grin spread across his face as I ducked out of reach. He smirked at my disgruntled expression "Seriously Frankie, when was the last time you washed your hair?" he complained wiping his hands on his T-shirt though he was quite obviously unfazed. "Lets see um ..." I began casting my mind back to our last stint in a hotel and counting down the days on my fingers "Five days and counting." I stated grinning and he let out a snort "Mikey's just gone up front to check, but rumour has it we're pitching up at a hotel tonight!" he enthused, explaining the absence of the younger Way brother. "Thank god for that! I swear I've forgotten what it feels like to be clean, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the smell!" I teased, now it was my turn to annoy him and I leapt at the chance, taking exaggerated sniffs in his direction. Sharing a bus with five blokes for any length of time, best friends or not, is definitely something, the banter keeps us sane. He just rolled those hazel eyes in his signature drama queen style and shoved his now empty industrial size mug towards me. "Tell you what, I'll wake Bob and Ray, you make the coffee. Kay?" he suggested already half way through the door leading to the "Bedroom" and I use the term bedroom lightly, there isn't much more than a piece of wood separating the two, touring sucks like that.

I sighed deliberately loud so that Gee'd be able to hear me in the next room but set about spooning out the the Kenco all the same, 4tsp for Gee, 3 for Mikey and 2 for Bob, Ray and I. We all drink it as we're waking up but Mikey and Gee drink it all day and quite frequently all night depending on our schedule and how successful our attempts at muffling Bob's snoring are. After narrowly avoiding third degree burns when the bus hit a pot hole, I got the four mugs lined up on the side board ready for their owners return. I seated myself on the unit leaning my head against a cupboard which I knew to be pretty bare, my stomach growled but that was nothing unusual, dining opportunities on the road are pretty scarce at best. "Coffee!" came a jubilant cry from behind me, I laughed as it's owner, a grinning Mikey Way, barrelled up the bus and snatched up his mug of coffee. Pausing only to roll his eyes at me when he saw the design, before beginning to gulp it down at break neck speed. It was the gag mug Gee and I brought him last time we were in Newyork, it was bright pink with a white unicorn on the side, considering that it was meant to be a joke, he seemed incredibly pleased with it, he even insisted on using it back home. I smirked to myself and slipped off the counter, walking over to stand beside Mikey "So, what's the news, are we getting real beds for a night?" I asked hopefully, waiting as he drained the dregs of his coffee. "Yeah, it's official, tomorrow night we get showers!" he enthused, doing a strange kind of happy dance, I giggled and mirrored him, pulling daft faces as I went. Hey, if you can't beat them, join them! We began laughing hysterically at each other's twisted facial expressions and improvised dance moves, which I for one thought were genius, but judging by Mikey's reaction, maybe not. I ended up stood hunched over coughing and trying to regain a normal heart rate as Mikey cleaned his glasses, which had become considerably steamed up after our laughing fit.

I didn't notice anyone else had entered the room, until I felt an ice cold hand slip about an inch or two into the waistband of my boxers from behind. I yelped and shot upright, setting Mikey off into another round of laughter. What's everyone on today and where can I get some!? I turned around though I knew all too well who's face I'd see smirking down from considerably above my own, Gee. As predicted I was met by the same pair of hazel eyes as I always am in this kind of situation and the same crooked smile. Yes, we've been here before, having your lead singer/best friend start touching your ass is a hell of a lot more common here than it is back home, there never were guys quite like him at high school ... Regrettably. "Having fun there Frankie? Care to explain what you were choking on this time?" he snorted "Good thing I shocked you out of it, I was about to resort to mouth to mouth and that would've been a pity wouldn't it?" he flirted jokingly, though his pale lips were pulled into a strange half smile. He winked at me before sauntering off grabbing his coffee and leaning against the unit on the opposite side of the bus, facing me. Does he have to wear his pants that tight? He had one hand behind his head, his coffee in the other, standing leant against the unit with his hips bones still prominent even through the taut fabric of his jeans. I wasn't a bad view by any means, just more than a little distracting ... I felt something brush against my cheek and snapped out of whatever world I was in, I could see Ray's afro bobbing up and down next to me in time to his laughter. He chucked me under the chin "Shut your mouth Frankie, you never know what'll end up in there." he jested, winking and shooting a nod in Gerard's direction, before leaving to get dressed, dragging a semi-conscious Bob with him. Bob doesn't like mornings. Much as we love him, Bob doesn't like much. "See something you like?" Gee taunted, making mock thrusting movements in my direction. I just stuck my middle finger up at him, ignored the blood rushing to my cheeks and attempted to start a conversation with Mikey, who had by now thankfully stopped laughing. "How long till we're due on?" I asked and he glanced at his watch "'Bout an hour, the first night's always a b*tch. I'll be glad when it's over." he sighed, fiddling with the strap of his watch. "Just keep dreaming of that bed Mikes, 24 hours and we crash at a real hotel." I offered and he perked up a little. "We should probably get ready then, Brian will want us in the building for quarter to." chipped in Gerard from behind us. "I'm already dressed!" hastened Mikey gesturing at his mainly black ensemble, he was right of course and a tad anxious not to be forced into one of our theming discussions. It's not like he actually pays attention to them anyway, he just zones out, so I'm not sure what he's so worried about, possibly that our feminine ways are rubbing off on him, but judging by his unicorn obsession it's a bit late to be fretting over that. Gee grabbed my hand "Come on then, we'd better go change." he said, tugging me in the direction of the bedroom "As long as you promise not to peek." I mock protested much to his delight, before letting him drag me off to go find our uniforms. It's not as if there's much room for us to have lost them in anyway so there's only so long this can plausibly take.

We found our "Uniforms", basically our best jeans and a black T-shirt, also a red neckercheif and Sheriff's jacket for Gerard, on the spare bunk as predicted. Just crumpled under a pile of other crap, we shook them out as best as possible then changed hurriedly, aware that our manager, Brian, would be banging the door down wanting to know where the hell we were if we weren't ready for quarter to. He's dead fussy on warm ups and it'll be extra tense tonight since it's the first for a while. I smoothed the rumpled shirt against my stomach, aware that it had already become too baggy for me thanks to our on the road food shortages, I just shook my head and paraded onto the tarmac behind Gee. Closely followed by Mikey, Ray and Bob, who all, like I'm sure I must've, looked rather sun starved out here in the natural light, even if it was night time. We were guided through the back route into the amphitheatre without any drama, the fans were all waiting out front so we were spared the mobs of hormonal teenage girls. "Emo" or not, you piss the MCRmy off and you regret it. I think it's a hair thing, that much dyed black hair swarming after you in one go, however appreciated, is pretty damn frightening and I only get half the assault Gee gets, it's a wonder we get him into the concerts in one piece. We weren't the first to perform tonight so we watched from backstage as the other band completed their penultimate song, keeping ourselves busy by readying our various instruments. I gave up on trying to tune Pansy after a few minutes and handed her to Ray, anything I tried just wasn't working but the magic Toro fingers had her ready in minutes. Gee was doing his usual weird exercises, pulling on his tongue and making ahh noises as if he was at the dentists. I'm never sure if that actually helps his singing or he whether just likes to creep us all out a bit, either way, it keeps him busy, anything to fight off the first night nerves that were eating away at our stomachs. Mikey looked positively sick, though Bob remained as calm as ever and Ray was mouthing chords to himself as if his life depended on it.

I just fiddled with the frayed edge of my skeleton gloves, already counting down the seconds until we'd go onstage and the pre-show jitters would be replaced with the thrill of performing, pumping through my veins and throwing every sound, every movement, every scream into HD, like someone's gone over your heart with a magnifying glass leaving your emotions raw and amplified 100 fold. Drugs are overrated. What you need is adrenaline, it eradicates every fear, sometimes dangerously well, I know I do things on stage that I would worry to do off, it's not that it changes me in any way, just that it takes away my caution, the part of my brain that worries about consequences takes a temporary and blissful leave. I can be exactly who I want to be in that moment, exactly who I am, without giving a sh*t about what I'll do come lights down when I have to face the real world again. It's a kind of strength and a kind of weakness, I wouldn't want to get that way around anyone other than my band mates, only they can really understand how it feels, the blinding qualities of the lights, the beat that seems to perforate everything, turning your brain to a music driven mush, the way fans have of knowing exactly how you're feeling, before you really know yourself and the weird high it leaves you on once the music's stopped and the lights have gone out. I can trust them wholly because I know they feel it too, it keeps them going as effectively as it does I, forcing us forwards and holding us together in a bizarre comradeship, best friends, band mates, brothers in arms ... I could feel Gee's steely gaze holding my eyes hostage and I lost my train of thought. Best friends, band mates, brothers in arms and what? Nothing less. Something more? I met his eyes, confusion evident on my face and they softened, losing their military coldness. I can't help but wonder if he's thinking along the same lines as I am. If he's looking to me for answers then he's going to be disappointed, whatever the hell we are, I'll be the last to know ... And right now it's simpler just to try not to care, at least until we get on stage and I can play my conscience clear, safe, for a while at least, from life's complications with the screaming of fans to drown out my thoughts. The rare privacy offered by their deafening shrieks is almost worth the bust ear drums.

"You're on in two minutes guys!" warned a hassled looking Brian, wringing his hands and pacing, I couldn't help but laugh "Relax, it's us who's in danger of being bottled off, not you!" I kidded, earning a weary smile, he nodded us off and hurried to go rouse the lighting crew. I tightened my grip on Pansy slightly, it's almost time. We glanced nervously at eachother, until the awkward silence was broken by Ray as always "Hug it out?" he suggested with a slightly shaky laugh, I grinned before pulling him into a bear hug your average grizzly would be proud of. Mikey snorted from behind us and piled on, soon Gee joined in, dragging a half amused half irritated Bob with him. By the time Brian returned, looking red faced and considerably hassled, to announce that we had 30 seconds till we were on, we were all feeling more relaxed if slightly deprived of oxygen. I thought I hugged hard! We high fived as is ritual and prepared our ears for the audio onslaught that was soon to follow.

The sidedoor opened and we trooped on stage, with the roar of the crowd echoing in our ears even through our coms, they're these mics that only the band and the back stage crew can listen in and they help us keep in touch through the performance. They're really awesome for pulling pranks with as well but we're not quite laid back enough for that today, I get the feeling Gerard would slap me if I distracted him tonight, much as I love messing with him, it's just not worth the risk. I took up my position on the far right, once again having to adjust my mic to the right height, why are rock stars so obnoxiously tall? I still couldn't get it to quite the right height and I could feel the crowds eyes trained on me, so after a minute or two's wrestling I gave in and just resorted to standing slightly on my tip-toes, I bet I look like a ballerina but oh well ... The lights came up slightly and the audience stopped screaming long enough for Gee to strut, and I mean strut, full on diva, to the front of the stage and get ready to whip the crowd up, not as if they needed much encouragement. The front row had already started head banging slowly and rather awkwardly to their own beat as we haven't even started playing yet, they're psyched and I'm getting that way too, by the looks off it we all are. "How you holding out out there Auburn?" Gerard roared to the crowds delight. They hollered unintelligible responses and he laughed "No matter, I think the real question is, why's Frank standing like a f*cking fairy?" he played to the audience, they laughed along with him, I blushed slightly but I didn't really mind, my height is a favourite way for him to get laughs, not that he needs any help to get the crowds on his side, they just love him, they can't help it. Noone can help it, how else d'you think he always gets the best bunk? "Are we gonna get this party started?" he crooned and the fans once again went wild, screaming their agreement "You ready guys?" he muttered into the com system, we nodded affirmation and got a thumbs up from the back stage crew, looks like we're good to go. "After you then Toro." he instructed and Ray gave us the thumbs up, strumming the opening chords to This Is How I Disappear, the crowd seemed to simmer down in anticipation as Bob, Mikey and I both joined in with our harmonising parts. The second Gerard started to sing though, they erupted into breathless screams once more, picking up the tune and shouting out the lyrics as loud as is humanly possible. They know them better than I do, and I was there when they were written. By the end of the first song it was if we'd never been away, the lights were blinding, the heat was stifling and I was exactly where I love most to be, in front of a screaming crowd surrounded by my band, it's my favourite place to be, except maybe ... No. I almost missed the next song from watching him, they way he moves on stage is unbelievable, he never stops and the way he walks, no man has any right to walk like that, has any right to be that ... Beautiful. I shook my head and focused on the necessary chords as we entered into The Sharpest Lives, edging across the stage closer to the crowd and nodding my head in time to the beat in a futile attempt to eliminate any thoughts of the lead singer from my mind. Gee paced over to my side, taking a step with each beat, somehow making it look perfectly natural to travel in time to the music, he snaked his arm around my neck in time for his favourite part

_"There's a place in the dark where the animals go,  
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow."_

he sang keeping a firm grip of me, as if he knew I was planning to jump away the second the verse was over, he slid his hand down my side as he completed the verse

_"Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands,  
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo."_

he growled before leaping away from me as if someone had electrified him, I rolled my eyes towards Ray at Gee's theatrics, continuing to strum the chords, my strokes getting slightly louder with each swell of the music as the adrenaline and the euphoria sunk in. "You know, sometimes, you get fed up of keeping it all in." Gerard addressed the crowd, though for some reason, kept his eyes religously trained on me as if he was trying to tell me something "Sometimes, you need to scream and shout and show them all, let everybody know that you're... NOT. OKAY!" he cried letting the crowd know exactly what was coming, my favourite song of the lot. "Want us to show you how it's done?" he queried, already sure of their answer as he nodded to Mikey to begin playing, one by one we all joined in till we reached the intro's peak and Gee began with the lyrics. I started jumping soon enough, covering the span of the stage more times than I cared to count before it was time for Ray and I's first line. I made it make to the mic just in time to join in with the backing, getting a relieved look from Ray. Sick and tired of having to stretch to reach my mic, I slid over to where Gee was stood, singing and the top of his lungs wearing a slightly pained expression, I glanced behind me at the other members who were rocking out obliviously, Mikey still wearing his complimentary poker face. I rolled my eyes and leant in to the space between Gee's neck and his shoulder so as to better share his microphone, he still didn't notice my arrival, not until it came to my "Trust me." and he glanced over to where I had been standing expectantly, finding me missing and turning around with a puzzled expression on his face. "Frank?" he murmured into his com though I was close enough to hear him say it first hand. I tapped him on the shoulder then lunged the other way panto style and he looked doubly confused, by this point the audience and the other guys had all dissolved into helpless laughter, still somehow managing to hold up the beat though now lacking a guitarist and the lead singer. Suffice to say the audience didn't care, as much as they love the music, they came here for a show and we were perfectly happy to give them one. Gee began to sing again, still looking distracted and I couldn't resist, I tapped him on the shoulder once more, stepping forwards when he looked to the side and taking over the mic "I'm not O-F*CKING KAY!" I yelled for him, gaining his attention and the irritated glares that came with it, I chuckled stepping back and gesturing for him to take back the microphone just in time for the last line. The others, despite the miniature pantomime unfolding before them had upheld the beat dutifully so it wasn't difficult to pick up where we left off, harmonising for the final _"Okay" , _before I returned, slightly reluctantly to my original position at the far left. Giving an apprehensive glance and a small exasperated kick to my too high mic stand, which Mikey acknowledged with a rare smirk. "This one's for my little brother Mikey and to all of you thinking of giving up, I know you're out there... Don't do it. Simple as, I've been there, and it sucked, please, if you wont do it for me, do it for your family, do it for your friends, do it for your pet f*cking dog for all I care, just get some help. No one should be afraid to keep on living." he announced solemnly, effectively introducing the next song. Mikey nodded in recognition of the dedication, it is after all, his song, him and Gee between them understand it better than we ever could, but it's one of those that means something to everyone, no matter who or what it was written about. Unannounced Gee entered into the first line, not even bothering to signal to us to begin playing, it didn't matter, we were in sync by now anyway and the next 5 five songs (Famous Last Words, Give Em Hell Kid, House Of Wolves, Heaven Help Us, Welcome To The Black Parade & Mama) from the list we'd arranged earlier, flowed seamlessly, uninterrupted by any dedications or signals to start, they just morphed into eachother without so much as a pause inbetween. That was until we reached You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison, which though we were doing a new line up, we still knew Gerard loved to surround with theatrics "This one is a favourite of mine." he began "Thankfully this lot never let me go far enough to find out what they do to guys like us in prison, but I know more about what they do to guys like us in the real world than I care to elaborate on, so it's not so hard to imagine. This is a thank you to my band mates, for having my back and for being completely and utterly, reliably and beautifully f*cked up and for going to hell and back with me on a daily basis, you make the ride worthwhile." he dedicated, it was nothing he hadn't said already, but it was good to hear all the same. We know what he's been through, we can take what we've been through between us and multiply it a few dozen times without even coming close to what he deals with daily, we can't truly empathise but we can sympathise, that and kick his ass when he's being a drama queen about it. There were muttered thank you's over the coms, one of which belonged to me, and then we entered into You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison without aid of a spoken agreement,

_In the middle of a gun fight...  
In the center of a restaurant...  
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"_

he sang pointing at the audience in a clear instruction to raise their hands, which they did happily waving in time to the music giving the crowd a rippling, slightly dream like quality and one by one everybody was raising their phones and lighters, adding to the ethereal effect, Gee nodded clearly pleased with the effort before continuing

_Well, they're never gonna get me,  
Like a bullet through a flock of doves...  
To wage this war against your faith in me,  
Your life...will never be the same.  
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer! _

He sang, half screaming by this point and he marched over to stand beside me, head banging with me in time to the beat,

_Now! But I can't  
And I don't know  
How we're just two men as God had made us,  
Well, I can't...well, I can! _

I sank to my knees still strumming as Gee screamed out the lyrics full pelt still standing beside me,

_Too much, too late, or just not enough of this  
Pain in my heart for your dying wish, _

He pulled me to standing position so that he was supporting my admittedly slight weight with his left arm, leaning me against his side, he leant in closer and closer until his face was level with mine, his eyes dancing like that of a guilty school boy. I drew a sharp breath accompanied by the audience, we all knew which line came next. Surely he wouldn't? I mean, we've always been like that, but he's never ...

_I kiss your lips again._

I shut my eyes and leant in fractionally in anticipation, only to feel myself thrown to the floor, I could hear his laughter above me. There wasn't time to consider what he'd think of me moving in, let alone what the fans would make of it, right now I was too jittery and too ... Hurt? Is that how I feel? Hurt? Hurt because my (debatably) straight best friend didn't kiss me? This entire situation is messed up. I forced a laugh and brushed myself off, clambering to my feet and using my mic stand as support. The rest of that and the next (Helena) song went by in a disjointed blur, though evidently that wasn't what it sounded like to the audience because they were cheering for all they were worth and several girls in the front row had dissolved into tears, I smiled straight at them though I knew it would only make them cry harder. They were just overwhelmed, believe me, I know the feeling. I didn't zone back in again until the beginning of Cancer, Gee was now standing right at the front of the stage as if he was about to step out into the sea of supporters "This is for you, if you've been hurt or you're still hurting and to all the recruits we've lost to the Black Parade. We salute you in your graves." he nodded upwards in the general direction of the sky and wherever people go once they're done being, well, here, before stepping back slightly and starting to sing unaccompanied until we got our act together and joined him.

_Turn away,  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded  
_  
he half whispered into the hushed silence the crowd had suddenly fallen into, whether in honour of the song or in recognition of the pain in Gerard's voice I don't know, but the differnce was astronomical, like stepping out of a tornado and straight into a freaking mourge and I felt an instant wave of gratitude towards them for it. It set the scene perfectly and even after a few lines you could already see people poorly concealing tears and dabbing at all ready smudged eyeliner,

_Call my aunt Marie  
Help her gather all my things  
And bury me in all my favorite colors, _  
_My sisters and my brothers, still, _

gradually so as I couldn't see who started it, they started clasping hands and swaying, in almost a symbol of solidarity, it was strange to watch people be so moved by something you'd written, all the stuff we write has a way of touching people but this, this really struck a nerve. For once it was like they were united by a single will, an understanding that here was one thing that no one could say was right, no one could side with, the drawn out and piteous loss of life, there wasn't a single person out there who didn't want a cure and we knew it, sure as they did. It was like our own little miracle, if you'll pardon the cliché, all these people clutching hands, with tears streaming down their faces. They cared.

_I will not kiss you,_

I flinched at the last line though that was quite obviously not it's intention, the absent minded reference to the night's earlier events brought me back to reality and I'm sure Ray noticed, always the silent observer "You alright?" he mouthed and I nodded my reassurance, as untrue as it may be. I was grateful to him for not using the coms and alerting the others to my weakness, over any other matter maybe, but not this, not something as petty, as pointless, as wrong as this. "Homophobia is gay." I noticed one of my favourite sayings on the T-Shirt of one of the guys in the third row, he was waving one hand in the air serenely, clinging to the hand of another man who I took to be his boyfriend with the other. Then again, I of all people should know not to make assumptions about relationships, they could be brothers for all I know Gee and Mikey would almost certainly be doing the same, or they could be bestfriends ... I tried to exclude the thought. "Homophobia is gay." never has there been a bigger believer in that than I, surely if I did, hypothetically, like Gerard, it wouldn't be the end of the world, it's not as if it would be anything new to him or anything, he's used to guys having crushes on him, it's not as if his words, or his actions for that matter exactly scream perfectly straight guy award winner three years running either, far from it in fact. But even so, he's never had a boyfriend ... What the hell am I saying!? Neither have I! I'm supposedly the manlier out of the two of us for crying at loud! But looking at him now, eyes closed and face contorted with grief, hurting for millions of victims he's never even met, feeling their pain on top of his own without fail. I can't help but feel the sting in my aching eyes, that I'd failed to notice were streaming with tears till now and ask myself, if all we are is friends, best friends none the less, practically brothers, but still. Just friends. Why the _hell_ do I feel as if one of Mikey's unicorns has wandered in and bitten a chunk out of my chest?

Even the best things have to end. All too soon Gerard had sung the final line and we were faced with leaving the stage whilst the audience still struggled to contain their tears. The eerie silence dissolved as we made our way to the front of the stage, offering us some sense of relief the atmosphere had for a moment there become somehow choking. Still slightly awestruck, we bowed slowly and blew kisses to the screaming crowds. We trooped off, the ever present screams fading slightly the further away we got, to be met by the cheers of our back stage crew, high fives and back slaps were dished out all round, but truthfully we just wanted to drag ourselves back to the bus and sleep. I guess Brian must have picked up on the whole "Could'ya all piss off and leave us alone now please?" vibe we were giving off because he ushered us out to the trailer before we had to come up with a speech or something else equally tedious, which we were thankful for to say the least. The slience outside was overwhelming, it seemed to perforate everything, seeping into the gaps between each thought and making me acutely aware of the buzzing in my ears. Seeing that we were too exhausted to withstand a coherent conversation, Brian left us a few feet from the trailer, and we waved him off weakly, leaning against the cool metal sides and taking deep breaths. I felt Gerard try and meet my eyes after a moment and stared at the floor religously, but by the small "Huh?" sound he made, I knew he'd seen it. Seen the something in my eyes and in my forced straight face as surely as I could see the something in his.  
Two somethings ...

Crap ...  
I'll sleep on it.


	2. July 26 07 ThreeCheersForSweetRevenge

Reveiws are to me what skittles are to Frank Iero 3

Frank's P.O.V

At about 5 in the evening, my usual tour routine of sleeping, reading, scavenging Doritos off Bob, sleeping, reading, practising a bit, sleeping, reading etc. was interrupted by the bus coming to an unexpected halt. Just as Mikey and I got up to open the shutters, silently praying that we hadn't managed to break down _already, _there was a bang at the trailer door. Bob got there first, shrugging in our direction and ramming open the door, which was slightly stiff in it's metal frame. "Welcome to Al's Motel! It's nothing special but there's showers and pretty decent pillows by the looks of things." announced a grinning Brian who was standing on a scruffy patch of cracked earth just in front of the trailer. We all let out small, not entirely sarcastic, cheers, rushing to the bedroom to snatch up some random items of clothing which we hoped vaguely resembled outfits, some assorted toothbrushes and Gerard's bag of make-up. Then hurried back into the kitchen and made the small leap down onto the scorched solid ground, I slammed the door behind me wincing and sucking at my finger as the metal was hot to the touch after hours in the thick sunlight.

Ray grinned at me as we passed a sign for free Wifi, looks like Mikey's getting his lap-top hijacked later on "We weren't expecting to get here till eight!" exclaimed Gerard as we made our way into the air conditioned, if slightly dodgily scented reception . "Who cares man? We're here now and they have internet!" enthused Ray, a mega watt grin on his tanned face, the contrast between him and Gerard was laughable, Vampire Prince vs Spray Tan Surfer. Gee caught me looking at him as I compared my two friends complexions and grinned manically as if reading my thoughts, I managed a sultry nod. I know I shouldn't sulk, no denying it's childish and uncalled for. It's never as obvious to the rest of the world what you're sulking about as you think, the most it ever achieves is you ending up mildly hated and shunned by your friends, but hey, I'm only human. He's acting like nothing happened, which I suppose to the rational mind it didn't. He probably thinks he's doing me a favour, letting me off the hook after a bit of on stage fun gone wrong, but the more he acts like nothing happened, the more I feel the need to remember and stress over it enough for the both of us, at least until I've figured out whatever the hell did happen and what on earth I want from it anyway. But watching him walking a few paces in front of me now, tapping out a rhythm on the top of his thigh as he makes his way up the staircase, I can't help but think that I know _exactly _what I want ... And it's standing right infront of me, everything I want and everything I'm too afraid to ask for.

"Race ya!" came a cry from behind me that I assumed to be Ray but before I had time to respond, Mikey, Ray and Bob shoved past me, calling dibs on the biggest room, the two singles and a sofa bed, leaving me in the smallest room with the double along with ... Gerard. Back up a sec, any other time, great, but not now, not today, not while things are still so raw from yesterday. I can't help but think that someone, somewhere, whoever controls this crazy ass world has it in for me lately! "Why do I have to room with him Mikey? He's your f*cking brother!" I whined in a last ditch attempt to save myself from the awkwardness this pairing was bound to entail "And he's your bestfriend! Can't I just have my own bed for once! I can't take another hotel night ruined by his night time wanderings, not to mention the snoring!" countered Mikey "Hey! I do not snore!" chipped in Gee, aiming a kick at his little brother's shins which soon developed into a full scale brawl. "Break it up. Frankie, you're dorming with Gee, you can survive one night, Mikey, you're delegated to the sofa bed for being an idiot, now shut up!" ordered Bob, Gee and I both glared at Mikey, though we knew the battle was lost, you don't argue with Bob, not when he's made up his mind about something. Sighing, I caught the keys Ray threw to me and set about unlocking the door, sauntering in without a backwards glance and dumping my carrier of stuff onto the depressingly small double bed. "Someone's got their knickers in a twist." I heard Mikey comment laughingly outside in the corridor, I had to smile at that, he sounded like my mother. "Thanks Mikes!" I yelled in reply and I heard their muffled laughter as they made their way into the room nextdoor, I heard the door click shut as Gerard followed me in and his junk soon joined mine sprawled out on the once white bedspread.

Gee examined one of the yellowing lace curtains pinched between two of his ragged nails "Nice place." he grinned gesturing to the damp patch the curtains inadequately disguised, I allowed myself a small smile, he was after all, trying to make the most of a pretty crap situation. "Who wants to brave the shower first?" he questioned a slightly desperate look on his face, silence is a rarity when the two of us are together, he was clearly squirming. _Good. _A more vindictive corner of my mind thought, my conscience on a whole however couldn't take the forced unfamiliarity and I gave in on the brooding then and there, it always was his speciality not mine. "I think you'd best go first, it's been so long since I've seen soap chances are I've developed some kind of deadly allergy." I joked though really deadly allergies are Mikey's field, he obviously appreciated the cooperation on my part because he grinned gratefully and grabbed a ragged towel from the cupboard and a bag of what I took to be toiletries from the side board "Ciao." he smirked and shut the bathroom door behind him firmly. I shifted our bags onto the floor and flopped down onto the bed, the springs of which objected profusely as the mattress sunk to swallow the upper half of my body whilst remaining hard as a rock from my waist down. Yet it's still better than the bunks. I thought back to that very first tour, all those stolen hours of sleep in the back seats of the van, more often than not we were woken by pot holes not three hours into a night's rest. After months of sleeping on each other's shoulder's, we can't afford to be too bitter towards the bunks. Yet part of me is. Nights spent on Gerard's shoulder, without any added complications, just endless nights, sleepless nights, highway by highway, state by state, now sound like some kind of faraway dream, something that was ill appreciated when the chance was given "And if we never sleep again, it would never end. Well I thought I heard you say to me, we'll go so far, far as we can." I sang quietly to myself, there was a thud as Gerard dropped the makeup bag back onto the sideboard. He stood there with the usual crooked smile on his black framed face, his chest an unbroken expanse of unnatural pale, a complete contrast to my own cartoon scattered skin, his ripped black jeans scattered with flashes of white skin, looking every bit the fallen angel. Some things never change. "Smashing pumpkins or batman?" he queried, walking over to his carrier of clothes and holding up two shirts "Batman." I replied definitively, Batman could cream Superman in a fight, no question about it. "Good choice my friend." he agreed pulling the T-shirt, which was black with the yellow Batman logo emblazoned across the chest, over his head and tugging his fingers through his still dripping hair "The water's lovely if you can forget about the mould." he reported and I pulled a uncertain face, causing him to chuckle. "I look forward to it but first I need some food, reckon this place has it's very own greasy cafe?" I speculated "Well if it doesn't that ruins a perfectly good stereotype, god knows how much we love stereotypes." he commented sarcasticly. grabbing his jacket and swinging open the hotel room door. "Well are you coming or not?" he asked whilst yanking on his converse, I nodded, pulled on a pair of Doc Martens and followed him out the door.

It wasn't hard to find the cafe, we just followed the smell of bacon and the maple syrup trail. Within 20 minutes we were sat in the clichéd diner we'd expected the second we lay eyes on the place, sipping at luke warm coke and speculating quietly over the likelihood of the syrup residue on our seats, sticking us here and making us late for tommorow's concert. A gum chewing waitress came over soon after, she batted her heavily mascaraed lashes at Gerard, pulling down the neckline of her already revealing top a little further and smiling in a way that suggested she rather liked what she saw. Great. The last thing I need is competition from an actual _woman, _this is impossible enough as it is. To my relief Gerard was clearly unimpressed though he took the attention with good humour "Um, could we order a margerita pizza please and two more cokes?" he asked politely, fighting vainly to look her in the eyes instead of the over exposed cleavage which was looming disturbingly close to his face. "Sure darling. anything else I can get you ..." she trailed off suggestively, giving me a "If looks could kill." glare when he remained completely unmoved by her attention "That'll be all thank you." he said sweetly. She knit her pencilled on eyebrows together in confusion, "Are you sure ..." she queried biting her lip in a manner I guess she took to be seductive but I was pleased to see it made her look a bit like a fish. "We're fine, thank you very much." I replied for him forcing a smile though I was in two minds whether or not to start a cat fight then and there, I decided against it though, fearing that brawn would over take beauty and I would lose for sure. Gee seemed to notice my frustration because he lay a cold hand on my knee, willing me to keep smiling until her miniskirt had wiggled itself out of sight. I saw the back of her blonde bee hive disappear through the kitchen doors and I watched Gerard's eyebrows raise comically once she was out of view. What I didn't see was any sign of him removing his hand. Oh f*ck, here we go again. "Can I have some of your coke?" he asked gesturing with the hand that wasn't preoccupied giving me a heart attack, to his empty glass, I nodded not really interested in the coke at that moment in time, too busy trying not to react to the hand that was resting on my knee, fearing that it's positioning wasn't deliberate and if I alerted him of it's whereabouts he'd remove it. God forbid he should ever do that, I'd be perfectly happy just to sit like this forever thank you very much, if it wasn't for the inevitable pins and needles an eternity would bring. He leant forwards slightly to take my near full Cola from me and as he did his hand slid forwards fractionally, just an inch or so, but it was enough to make my breath snag in my throat. He looked up momentarily and I knew the smirk on his face all too well. He knew exactly what he was doing to me, and he was enjoying himself far too much. Why though I couldn't decide, whether it was my humiliation or my apparent exhilaration that he was taking such delight in. He leant back, leaving his hand slightly higher up than it had originally began, but nowhere too explicit all the same. Taking my glass with him and not bothering to use his own straw, he is so lucky to be in the list of approximately 4 people on the planet I would let get away with sharing my straw, my own mother isn't even on that list ... Come to think of it there are no women on that list whatsoever. There is really no hope for me, huh? Soon Little Miss If Looks Could Kill returned with our pizza, and drinks, flouncing off without so much as a have a nice like a stroppy toddler. I caught Gee's eye and we burst out laughing, nearly choking on our fresh coke's as the clip clop of her skyscraper heels got further and further away, I felt his grip on my knee tighten as we doubled over snorting, noses inches away from the cheese of the pizza she had so kindly delivered. We sat hunched over the table for a minute or two, stamping out any remainders of the hysterical laughter that we had been trapped by for the past 5 or so minutes. We saw the "Shut up and eat." glares we were getting from the cafe's manager, a balding man who was quite possibly Bob's long lost uncle, for their displeased faces were a perfect match. We wolfed down the pizza, not really tasting it yet still suffering from the hot cheese's partner in crime, the burnt tongue. We left the bill on the table, leaving a generous tip for irony's sake and because we were rather worried she'd over heard our laughter, as much as she annoyed me, I'm not completely heartless.

We traipsed back to the room slowly, taking the time to admire the peeling wall paper and attempting only to step on the dark green squares of the hotel carpet (Which was a delightful combination of sludge green and sugar pink) out of sheer boredom. Why do I get the feeling that Little Miss If Looks Could Kill and Bob's Long Lost Uncle argued over colour scheming and ended up going half and half? When we re-entered the hotel room Gee flopped onto the bed and snatched up his sketch book, I figured now would be a good time to try out the shower, at this rate we'll block the drains with the amount of grime we wash down the plug hole. I grabbed the bag containing my tooth brush and crap and shut the door behind me definitively, warning Gee that now was not a good time to take a leak. I stripped off, shivering slightly and stepped into the grotty shower cubicle, the water was, of course, freezing cold, making me yelp, then boiling hot, making me yelp again and then freezing cold once more before it finally settled to a bearable temperature. I attempted to scrub the worst of the dirt from my skin but the truth is it's gotten to the point where I can't really discern the dirt from the doodles, still it was a luxury to feel clean for once. I lathered my hideously greasy hair with cheap hotel shampoo, knowing that Gerard would have used the whole bottle of conditioner already so there was no point looking. It's one of the things that annoys Mikey so much, that boy worships his hair, that and the fractured sleep. Gerard gets up at random times, he just can't stay still, it's not so bad for me, I can do crazy hours, but Mikey gets cranky on limited sleep. Last time he roomed with Gerard, he ended up snapping his toothbrush in frustration, I can see why Bob wasn't willing to risk it another time around. Quietly I am glad for the chance to bunk with Gerard, the annoyance doesn't quite out weigh the ecstasy, almost, but not quite. I rinsed off best as I could during one of the of the showers cold spells, shut off the rusted tap and shook my hair dry. Yanking on yesterday's and the day before's and the day before's and the day before's jeans, yeah, I only brought three pairs with me. Brushed my teeth with my favourite kiddies toothpaste that tastes like bubblegum and wandered out in search of a new top. I opened the door to see Gerard crashed out on the sunken matress, breathing heavily, I tip-toed out so as not to wake him but as I crept past the foot of the bed I'm sure I saw his eyelids flutter and flash the familiar hazel that they were supposed to be keeping hidden. I pulled out a black T-shirt with a guitar on and tugged it on, ignoring the fact that it was quite clearly made for a man twice my size, if I bought clothes in the appropriate sizes, I'd be shopping in the boys range. As I pulled it on, I was sure I saw his lids flash open once more, but once I surfaced from the neck of the shirt, they were firmly closed once again.  
I glanced at the clock, 11:30 pm, aw, screw this, I'm going to bed. I was about to poke Gerard, on the off chance that he was genuinely sleeping, but he rolled over the second he felt my weight beside him, leaving me a decent share of the quilt and a fair if rather slumped section of matress, I grunted my thanks, sliding in beside him fully clothed and shutting my eyes hesitantly. I don't trust myself to be this close to Gerard while unconscious, I need enough self control around him as it is without my mind not actually being there to make the decisions. Not that you get much sleep beside Gerard anyway, I could hear him humming quietly to himself as I drifted restlessly off to sleep, doubtless he was awake now if he'd ever genuinely been asleep in the first place, I recognised the tune as This Is The Best Day ever and I'm sure I joined in at some point, before I slipped into oblivion for the first time tonight. A state that I am certain will not be permanent, not given the sleeping habits of my bunk mate.

1 am:

_"Run Frankie! Run for it!" shrieked the black haired man stood beside me, sweat plastered his shirt to his alabaster skin, his eyes were darting from side to side furiously as if searching for some unknown danger. His scalp was wet with crimson splashes. Gerard. MyGerard, I just knew it, in this world, he was mine. I noticed his hand had been clutching my own only by the chill I felt at it's absence. He dropped to his knees blood, dripping slowly from beneath his left hand, which was cradling the wound on his head. "Frankie. Run!" he begged hysterically though his voice was hoarse and cracked, lacking it's usual lyrical quality. I shook my head defiantly, unable to find the words, his eyes fluttered defeatedly and I could hear how much pain each laboured breath gave him. "Gerard? Gerard!" I begged but I was met with nothing but a pained moan. I was loosing him. Footsteps behind me, I span to face the sound. There stood Ray and Mikey. I let out a sigh of relief, surely between the three of us we'd be able to get him help. But they drew their guns and trained them on my head. I felt Gerard clasp my hand once more. I heard the click of a trigger from behind me and squeezed my eyes shut,"Never again, never again, they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now." a clip of song I knew only too well, danced through my pounding head in a taunting fashion, taking on the mocking tone I've known it' s singer use all too often. Then darkness claimed me as it's own with an eerie finality. _

My eyes shot open and I glanced at the flashing red digits of the clock beside me, ugh, 1 am. "Morning Frankie" came a familiar teasing voice from beside me, I cold feel his breath cool on my neck and despite myself I breathed a sigh of relief. Just a dream, a stupid, pointless, completely ridiculous and wholly impossible dream. I shifted my weight slightly and felt his hand tense in mine, stupid hands, that whole dream was their fault. "Mind telling me what the dream was about? You were breathing pretty deep ..." he tailed off giving me a suggestive wink, I flipped him the middle finger and turned away so that he was facing the dark fabric of my shirt, I could feel my face burning, it's not as if I was dreaming about what he was suggesting, that dream had been embarrassing enough thank you very much without added awkwardness. "Frankie, is someone blushing!" he jested in a sing song tone that I until now thought belonged solely to irritating schoolgirls but I guess not. I felt another wave of heat flash over my cheeks and bowed my head slightly, willing myself to dream up a decent reply. His cold hand brushed my no doubt scarlet cheek and I shivered involuntarily. He felt it. But chose for reasons unknown to me not to comment or further my embarrassment. "I'm going for a smoke, wanna come?" he asked tentatively, I nodded and ran a hand through my unusually clean hair, rising from the bed and yanking on a random pair of socks soon followed by Gerard. We tugged on our shoes at the door and stepped quietly into the hall way, I could hear the T.V blaring in the other's room, guess someone was still awake, probably Ray. We didn't pause long enough to tell what he was watching but from the staged screams I'm guessing it was one of his old horror's. Wonder if Mikey's enjoying his sofa bed? We jogged down the stairs and padded through reception, getting weary glares from an ageing receptionist who was playing Pacman on her computer as we stepped onto the car park, blasted by cool night air. Gee handed me a cigarette and we lit up, standing beneath the blinking lights of Al's Motel and being eaten alive by mosquito's. Bloody things they're everywhere, you'd think the smoke would put them off but they must breed them hardy around here, because if anything they seemed more motivated than ever. If nothing else the cold air put an end to my blazing cheeks, I quite liked it out here however scruffy, the street lamps gave the place an orange glow that was kind of cosy, so when Gee decided to head back up to the room, I opted to stay for a while longer, anything to avoid being quizzed on the subject of my dream. Anyway, this seemed as good a place as any to think, so he handed me the packet and the lighter, gave me a fleeting look that suggested he thought I was clinically insane and left for the warmth of our hotel room.

About an hour later, two cigarettes down and none the wiser I decided to return to the room, traipsing through reception and past the grumpy receptionist, who had acquired a glazed look in her eye which I associated with either death or sleep, I'm hoping the latter and up onto our floor. I found our room, room 378, last in the corridor and next door to room 377 where the T'V had finally fallen silent and was now replaced by a chorus of zealous snores. I groped around in my back pocket for the key. Crap. Gerard has the key, I knocked quietly "Gee, let me in, it's me Frankie, I forgot the key." I whispered, no answer. "Gerard. It's Frank. Let me in!" I requested a little louder this time, strongly doubting he was asleep. "Gerard! Let. Me. In!" I yelled drumming on the door angrily, I could hear his laughter echoing within, that little bast*rd! "No can do Frankie, take this as revenge for what you did to my coffee!" he called from behind the door's peeling painted surface. Oh. I thought back to last week, our second day of driving about on Projekt Revolution, I'd poured his coffee out the window whilst he was sleeping and replaced it with this chilli flavoured stuff I'd bought as a cheap prank from the joke shop we'd stopped in earlier that morning. Damn. Talk about extreme punishment! I sighed "I'm sorry Gee okay, I'll make it up to you. Let me in and I'll buy you a Starbucks tomorrow morning?" I suggested hopefully "No way, you are not getting away with it that easily. No man but you Frankie could get away with sabotaging Gerard Way's coffee and live to tell the tale, I hope that offers you some comfort while you sleep on the floor." he teased and I heard his feet pad back to bed "Night sleeping beauty, see you tomorrow." he taunted, leaving me to find a corner to hole up in for the night. Like I was really going to get any sleep curled up on the threadbare carpet of Al's Motel. I let my mind wander once more to those nights not so long ago spent at Gerard's side and soon his voice was replaying in my head "Good choice my friend ... No man but you Frankie ... Night sleeping beauty ..." it chanted in a constant loop. Yep, I'm not getting any sleep tonight ...

4 am

I heard Gee get up inside the room and sooner or later came the tell tale sound of a boiling kettle. "Seriously Gee, coffee, at this hour?" I called through wearily, "Yep!" he exclaimed brightly "That bed's so comfy though, I can't leave it for too long!" he teased much to my dismay, this is quite possibly the worst night's sleep I've ever had, not counting those nights when I had no sleep at all as those were on the most part intentional. After all have you ever seen a man shredding guitar in his sleep? "F*ck off!" I complained grumpily, rubbing at my aching back, his amused chuckle grew quieter as he returned to bed, presumably with a mug of coffee in hand. I could hear him singing faintly to himself and after a minute or two of vain resistance, gave in and joined him "And if I had the guts, to put this to your head. Before I pull this trigger, your eyes vacant and stained, and in saying you loved me, made things harder at best. And these words changing nothing, as your body remains. And there's no room in this hell, there's no room in the next. But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?" we sang under our breath for no apparent reason until Gerard broke off laughing "Frankie wouldn't know if there was a corpse in this bed cause he's on the floor, I could f*ck as many zombies as I liked and he'd be none the wiser." Gee commented to no one in particular, I rolled my eyes though he couldn't see me and continued humming to myself till I heard his breathing regulate and deepen through the thin wooden door. I wriggled around in a desperate attempt to get into a position that wasn't going to cripple me, but in the end I resorted to lying face first on the carpet. This is going to be a long 3 or so hours. I felt something brush past my foot and squeaked quietly, clamping a hand down hard over my mouth to stop myself from being a total girl. Oh great, just great, a cockroach!

I am never f*cking forgetting this.


	3. July 27 07 ThisIsTheBestDayEver

Frank's P.O.V

Fan-f*cking-tastic. It's 8 am, I've had 2 hours sleep and finally I can hear someone stirring inside Ray and co's room, "Um, it's Frank, d'you think you could let me in?" I plead rapping on the door with my inked black knuckles. I heard murmurred conversation from within and the door swung open, there stood Ray and Mikey looking rather ragged and more than a little confused. "Wow Frankie, someone's up early!" Ray marvelled stepping aside to let me in and giving me a weird look as I flopped down face first onto what I presumed had been his bed as it was the only one not occupied by a snoring Bob Bryar. "Care to explain?" Mikey questioned coming and perching on the end of the bed like a bird someone had attacked with hair straighteners to, it's 8 something or other and he's already taken to the straightners, he's such a girl. "Gerard locked me out." I mumbled into the bed spread inhaling the smell of Ray, thankfully post shower. "Come again?" he queried and I sighed, propping myself against the messy pillows and giving him a death glare "Gerard locked me out. We went out for a fag and he locked me out, payback for pouring his coffee away last week." I explained dragging a hand through my tangled hair Ray and Mikey both started laughingly at the look of despair on my face, they know how much I love to sleep. "Next time Frank don't mess with Gee's coffee, or mine for that matter." smirked Mikey hanging me a mug of pathetically weak coffee with a devilish grin, he was enjoying this way too much. I gulped it down in record time, exhausted yet somehow unable to sleep. "My stuff's still in the other room, I'm gonna go kick Gerard and get changed, thanks for the coffee Mikes." I bid him farewell giving a parting nod to Ray who was mucking around on Mikey's lap-top, before letting the door click shut behind me. I drummed on Gerard's door violently, not caring whether I woke him or not, I was tired, I was still wearing yesterday's clothes and I needed to piss. He opened it fairly quickly and without much pageantry, he looked almost sorry for me and didn't protest as I rooted through his make-up bag for some eyeliner, he looked if possible slightly guilty as I assesed the violet circles beneath my eyes. Good.

We sat down for breakfast in the same greasy cafe as last night, though thankfully we had a different waitress, I'm not sure I could stand Little Miss Sunshine right now, not at this time in the morning. Gerard had lain his pack of ciggarettes open ended on the table between us, ready for use once we were done eating, so as he got up to collect our breakfast, I figured I'd get myself a little payback. I winked at Ray and Mikey and pressed a finger to my lips in a shushing gesture before calmly pouring a glass of juice over the pack and lying the glass beside them to make it look like an accident, it wasn't going to fool him or save me from the come back that was sure to follow, I knew that. But I didn't care. In fact I wanted him to know it was me, what better way to while away a tour than with a revenge war? "What about you Frank? Weren't you meant to be sharing those?" Mikey questioned rather cheerily. He hates the fact that Gerard and I still smoke, but what are we meant to do? They're ticking off our posions one by one, Gerard's especially, smoking seems like a comparitively harmless habit when you think about the stuff he used to be into. "No such luck I'm afraid Mikes, it's just less crap to carry when we share, I've still got a shed load back on the bus but that was Gee's last pack. We were going to start working through my stash next but he's refused access now. On the plus side that's Gerard all out of cancer sticks for a week or so." I pointed out and Mikey cracked a smile "Hope so. Guessing he'll just sweet talk Brian into stopping in the next town though." he reasoned. "Yeah, guess so, oh well, for a day or to at least then." I restated and he nodded contentedly. When Gerard returned several minutes later with a tray full of toast and butter he was greeted by a pack of juice soaked cigarettes and a table full of guilt faced companions. Ha. Sweet revenge. "Frankie?" he growled, giving me a really mad glare, I just grinned "Gotcha!" I yelled fist banging Ray in triumph. Gerard sat down relatively cooly "I guess I deserved that didn't I?" he sighed shaking off the dripping packet and tossing them in a nearby trash can "Yeah, you kinda did." I agreed with a teasing grin, he returned it seemingly happily. "Okay Frankie. Game on. " he smiled serenely, a wicked glint in his hazel eyes. "You sure you wanna do this guys? This could get ugly." checked a slightly worried looking Mikey "Yep." Gerard and I chorused definitively, I met his gaze. "Baby you're gonna wish you never suggested this." I threatened him gleefuly and he grinned "That's what I'm hoping." he winked holding out his hand to shake mine. "Deal." I agreed clasping his unusually warm hand tightly within my own, ignoring the little jolt I felt somewhere in the pit of my stomach at his touch. With that we ate our toast in peace, chuckling covertly at Ray's assesment of the couple opposite us, who were getting rather touchy feely over a bowl of Golden Nuggets. They were sitting in the exact same place as Gerard and I had sat last night. I watched Gee's expression change to a mischevious grin as he too noticed that and I felt his hand rub the inside of my thigh ever so slightly, so swiftly that if I hadn't understood what he was thinking, I would've sworn it was accidental. But I did know what he was thinking and I did know it wasn't accidental. This battle, prank war, revenge spree, whatever it is, is well and truly under way.

We loaded back onto the bus at about ten, wincing at the musty smell as we stepped in, after an hour or two you kinda get desensitised but as we'd been in a relatively clean hotel all night, the stench was a fresh horror. Letting out collective groans Gee, Mikey, Raqy and Bob all crashed out on the bus' only couch, a thread bare brown lump that Ray picked out from this skip we passed a few months back, it's no that we can't afford a couch, we just really couldn't be bothered to face going somewhere where we might be reckognised. The second companies realise we're (If not very) famous, they try and off load a bunch of free shit on us, not only does it feel a bit shady taking it, there isn't any room on the bus to carry it. We end up giving it away to random people and insanely excited MCR fans who've just gotten a "Gift" off their idols are bloody terrifying, believe you me. I on the other hand was already crashed out on a bunk by the time the engine started up , god only knows who's and I'm guessing he's not particuarly bothered, good, 'cause neither am I.

"Frankie? Frank? Frank!" came a somewhat distant voice, I swatted at the unwanted distraction, opening my eyes involuntarily as the light hit them. Ugh, Mikey was crouched awkwardly beside me prodding my side with a fork, what the hell!? "Frank, you need to get up now dude. We've got thirty minutes." he warned, I sighed but sat up all the same, fumbling around for my pants, next thing I knew they were flying towards my face. Although I didn't see them thrown, I saw a lock of dyed black hair dissapear around the door frame and knew who the culprit was, Gerard. Seriously, who else would have done that anyway? I stood, forced my legs into the black denim and stumbled into the kitchen towards what I hoped was the kettle, I was still way too tired to tell. "No way Frankie, I'm not letting you near boiling water like that. Sit. I'll make coffee." instructed Gerard giving me a gentle shove twoards the couch, I grunted my thanks and sunk into the sludge brown fabric, rubbing at my eyes and despairing as black streaks came off on my knuckles, great. Now I not only look stoned, I look like a stoned panda, lovely. A steaming mug was thrust into my hand and I gulped it down gratefully, slolwy ditching the walking dead look. In my more lively state I noticed that Gerard too had taken a nap, seriously? He had all night to sleep. "Where'd you crash?" I wondered aloud and he glanced up from his mug slightly suprised that I'd managed coherent speech "Your bunk. Didn't think you'd mind seeing as you were out cold on mine." he explained and I nodded slolwy, still shaking fuzz from my brains. He grabbed a fairly clean shirt from the table behind us which was loaded with clothes in various states of filth and handed to to me, I pulled off the top from earlier and yanked this new one on unceremoniously, giving him a modest look for the split second I was topless. Then stopped myself before I had the chance to feel indignant. This is Gerard we're talking about, the guy that I've ran round naked in front of a thousand times, the guy I've shared an enclosed space with for the past five years, the guy who's become like a brother to me. And now I'm shy to be topless in front of him? What the f*ck is wrong with me lately!?

He seemed to once again follow my train of thought and winked at me before ducking out of the room into the bedroom to find himself some clean jeans, I sighed and rubbed my eyes, making my way over to the "Bathroom". Which is basically a closet just off the kitchen with a mirror, a medicine cupboard and a sink. I rooted around in the cupboard in search of Gerard's make up remover and made read the instructions on the back carefully. Usually I just leave the sh*t on till my face gets so dirty you can't tell the difference but this time I look a real mess. Just as I went to wipe the bottom of my left eye, the bus jolted and I poked myself in the eye, spilling some of the liquid (which stung like hell!) onto the laminated floor. I cursed quietly looking at my now considerably bloodshot eye in the mirror and sighing once more defeatedly. "Gee! I need help with cosmetics crap!" I yelled, in full knowledge that he could hear me as clearly as I could hear his footsteps thundering through the kitchen to meet me where I stood, cradling my eye uncomfortably in the bathroom. He laughed at the slightly pathetic way I was standing, before pulling my hand away from my face gently "You know this is karma for not asking before you borrowed it." he teased in a quiet calm voice, seizing the half empty bottle of makeup remover in the one hand and brushing my hair out of my face with the other. He soaked some cotton wool in the remover stuff and stroked it across my eyelids and the still purplish bags beneath my eyes "There, almost done." he announced seemingly satisfied with his work "Just close your eyes." he instructed and I did, gripping the sink cautiously with one hand on the off chance that the bus jolted again. I felt something soft brush my cheek and his hot breath on my neck "All better." he whispered into my hair, before clicking the door shut firmly behind him. I let out a deep breath that I'd been unaware I was holding and inadvertently brought my fingertips up to brush the spot he'd kissed. I glanced in the mirror and smiled, my eyes were still semi rimmed with black, but I no longer brought to mind thoughts of cheap chinese takeaway chains, evidently the work of someone with experience. Still smiling, I pushed open the creaking door and went to join the four of them who were all squished onto the sagging couch.

Soon enough we heard the screeching of brakes and the spluttering of the exhaust as our bus pulled into Marysville's Sleep Train Amphitheatre car park, judging by the amount of people milling around outside the place was rammed, I shrugged my shoulders at Ray who had also noticed how packed the car park was, we just slipped on our shades and hoped for the best, there were a few kids who noticed us sneak in through the back and we gave them hesitant waves, but for the most part we went unnoticed by the masses. We were met at the door by Brian and by another guy with a red face and a bushy moustache that didn't quite make up for the fact that he was almost entirely bald. The second man, who's name turned out to be Pete, was the manager of the venue and explained that there was a problem with the air-con, nothing major, he insisted but it was regretably going to be down for our slot tonight. We'd only been in the building for a few minutes but already we were starting to feel the heat, it's California and the middle of summer, scorching outside at the best of times. Let alone inside where the halls are narrow and there are the best part of 70,000 people crammed into the stadium. Gerard smiled reassuringly as Pete asked us if we'd still be able to play, nodding until his neck must have been aching but I knew his laugh too well not to notice the nervous edge. He was looking forward to this about as much as the rest of us, which is to say not at f*cking all. We trudged through the usual warm up routine uncerimoniously, already struggling slightly with the heat, it doesn't effect me too badly but Mikey was already flagging, he doesn't do heat or lack of sleep for that matter and Bob was getting visibly grumpier by the second. I could tell this was going to be a long night.

Traipsing on through the side door, we took our positions on the stage, Gerard was far left, I was near the front slightly to the right, Mikey was centre and to the back and Ray was standing a few paces behind and to the right of me. "How you all doing tonight?" roared Gerard into the shadowy mass of people, the air was thick with humidity and I could feel the heat radiating of the screaming masses, already the back of my neck was damp with sweat and I could feel my jeans sticking to the backs of my calves. "I know it's hot. You know it's hot. And y'know what? I don't give a f*ck! On your feet people. I wanna hear you scream!" he shrieked into the darkness, which seemed to liven up instantaneously at the sound of his voice and began shouting unintelligibly back at him. "Not good enough Marysville, I want to hear you really f*cking scream!" he demanded stubbornly and the crowd seemed to revel in his attention, the air was heavy with heat the entire place seemed to crackle with a kind of electric anticipation, these kids were going to have a good time whether they liked it or not. Gerard Way was not going to let them do otherwise. "This first song, Is How I Dissapear." he announced and whispered "Ready boys ..." into his coms I smiled to myself, I was ready. He wasn't going to let me be anything else. We smashed through the first three songs at break neck speed, the excitement mounting until the heat didn't seem like such an issue anymore, it was clear the crowd were into it, head banging on mass in time to the beat of Famous Last Words and screaming along to the closing verse along with Gee, Ray and I.

_I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone.  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven,  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home._

I panted raggedly as the guitar gradually faded out, leaving both us on stage and the fans in the pit feeling somewhat empowered, a sensation that lasted through both Give 'Em Hell Kid and Heaven Help Us, only begining to wear off when we hit the soberingly calm opening chords of Welcome To The Black Parade. Still we trooped on, but it was apparent that the crowd was losing enthusiasm by the minute. By the second half of Mama only the diehards near the front were still headbanging if somewhat wearily in time to the heavy bass and the majority of the crowd had ground to a stand still. I could see people folding makeshift fans out of programmes and wishing their usual attire of Converse and Doc Martens, doubled as a hand fan half as well as the much hated flip-flop. To make up for the audience's lack of energy, Gerard and I were bouncing around the stage like lunatics to the opening of You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison and as he passed me on the way back to his mic holder he met my eye, I caught a glint of mischeif in his hazel pair. That look right there is practically deadly, I'm not sure what he's got planned but I think it's safe to say I'll enjoy it more than I should.

After a moment or two of screaming into the mic, his voice rising hysterically, he sauntered over to where I stood drenched in sweat and shredding for all I was worth and leant forwards as he neared me as if to kiss my cheek, I ducked out of the way teasingly and he slid off again, back to his side of the stage. I watched curiously at how delighted he looked, usually he'd be pissed that I'd messed up his rhythym but he just winked at a girl on the front row who dissolved into tears and continued crooning into his mic. Smiling widly and looking equal parts angel and sinner, he strutted back in my direction, when he got close enough to reach out and touch me he smirked and I watched his lips form the words "Gotcha." too late for me to formulate a response. He extended a pale hand somehow elegantly to grasp a handful of my damp hair, which he used to wrench my face towards him and smash his hot lips aggresively to mine. I remained frozen as his lips assaulted mine with a suprising force "Frank?" he mumbled into my unwilling pout in an ill diguised objection to my lack of response, tasting of sweat and coffee and ciggarettes. I refused to kiss him back more out of stubborness than self respect, to him this was just another form of revenge, part of our children's game of petty paybacks. Surely he knew how hard it was for me to resist him? Seconds passed like minutes as his lips softened on mine, now less violent and more probing, I presumed he was trying to make me crack but when I heard his voice, muffled against my skin, it sounded almost desperate "Frankie?" he pleaded quietly, his tone more broken than plotting. I relented. Snaking an arm around his waist and holding him too me protectively as if he were the one in danger of getting hurt. His lips moved softly and swiftly with mine before breaking away entirely and giving me a fleeting grin, then he ran back to where he belonged beside the mic stand, followed by the ecstatic screams of the fans and the ocassional cry of disgust from someone who really didn't deserve to be here in the first place.

"What the f*ck was that?" was the first thing I registered being said, I reckognised the voice as Mikey's coming from over the coms "Later." replied another slightly breathless voice that I knew to be Gerard's. If nothing else we'd regained the fan's attention, and managed to piss some people of in the process if the small cluster of angry looking fans exiting the arena was anything to go by. "I dedicate this one to all you people in here who would have me go to hell for what I've just done. You think I need to grow up? I think you need to stop living in the 1800s or get the hell out of here. The kids today, they've got the right idea about one thing. Love is love. It's not their fault you're scared sh*tless ... Ladies and gentlemen, we call this one Teenagers." Gerard roared, managing to turn a moment of adrenaline into a weighty political statement with enviable ease, with that we slammed into the opening of Teenagers, my fingers moving on autopilot as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to say to Ray and Mikey post show. Somehow, mainly down to Gerard's innate flirtiness tonight, we managed to keep the audience's attention right up until the closing chords of Cancer, at which time I heard Gee let out a sigh of relief, it was over. We could escape to the cool air of the Ampitheatre's car park and get rid of these sweat soaked clothes, my body was aching from the exhursion of shredding in this heat and my head pounded with the confusion of the night, I just wanted to get out of there and get myself a beer. Simple as. We said our goodbyes quickly and slipped off stage to the crowd's somewhat breathless cries, there will be no meet and greets tonight, that for sure, Mikey looks as if he's about to pass out as it is without an extra four hours of being swarmed and signing autographs. When we finally clatered into the bus my first urge was just to grab Gerard and go, take him somewhere anywhere we could talk in peace, preferably somewhere with bondage, for interrogation purposes only of course ... I did however owe Ray, Bob and Mikey an explanation, however much Gerard may owe me one, so I sunk unwiliingly onto the couch grabbing Gerard by the back of his jeans as he tried to escape and hauling him down next to me. "So Gerard, Frank, you know you can tell us anything, we've shared one too many crates of beer over the years for you to shock us now, we will still love you no matter what, so please clarify ... WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON!?" Ray questioned us rather too enthusiastically and with many different shades of sarcasm, he'd barely got the last syllable out when Gerard and I yelled in union "Don't ask me!" and broke down into the laughing fit to end all laughing fits, watched by the false scathing looks of Mikey, Bob and Ray. "We have no f*cking clue .." Gerard wheezed perfectly honestly and it was clear that was the most either of us understood, so with that I grabbed a hold of his pale hand and dragged him towards my favoured hiding place, where I seriously hope we can sort out this mess.

I shoved him not so gently into the boiler room, a neatly concealed if incredibly cramped cupboard to the very back of the bus that contains our water heater, there's barely enough room for just me in there, let alone him and his long legs, but somewhow we both managed to wedge ourselves between the warm metal of the heater and the closet door. I could feel Gerard's leg pressing against mine, his breathing was heavy beside me in the quiet darkness and everything was made a bit easier by the fact that I couldn't see his face that was surely mocking my tangible shyness right now. "D-did you enjoy that?" I rushed the words and was a little suprised that he had understood enough to reply "Yes." that answer shocked me even more but encouraged me to continue asking. "Would you have enjoyed that even if it's aim wasn't to piss me off?" I continued hoping he'd answer this one with the same degree of honesty "Hell yes!" he whispered in a way that made my pants suddenly feel much tighter around my crotch, I sighed rageddly with relief, though the air in here was thick with heat I could feel the weight of emotion in it and I involuntarily leaned closer to him. "Did you want to kiss me back before I begged you too?" he probed and I was suprised at the caution in his voice, which was now close enough that I could feel his hot breath on my neck "F*ck yeah ..." I murmurred into the darkness and was rewarded by the brush of his warm lips on the nape of my neck trailing upwards to my jaw bone and clamping down gently on a place somewhere inbetween, I shivered and reached out automatically to hold him back as he rose to leave. "Good. I'd hate to think this sh*t was all one sided." he chuckled giving my fingers one last squeeze and blowing a kiss, before leaving me behind to hyperventilate in peace.

This is the best day ever.


End file.
